tomorrow marks six months of being back in san diego.  six months of being back home.  six months of living with my parents.  six months of "saving" money.  six months of, for the most part, not being too happy.

and now on the very eve of the this anniversary, i am more confused than ever.  for a while i was content with my decision and making the most of it, but in all of the hustle and bustle of the last week, i have fallen back to the feelings of the fall and questioning a lot of the decisions i have made.

i want more than ever just a sign to know that things are going to work out. just a sign that this will all be worth it in the end.  a sign that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  i thought i found it all and it all has come to a screeching halt when i realized the only reason i was happy is because it was so much like the life i led in arizona.  and as much as i loved that lifestyle, i know i can not back track into that.

i feel like i am an awkward stage of my life... like the pre-teen years; where you don't know exactly where you fit in. now it's more like the pre-adult-post-grad years.

there are so many constant reminders about how things are not going as planned. whether it be my own father asking me if i am still going to the gym because no one will want to marry a fat girl or his friends asking me how my job right now relates to my degree or why i am home all the time.  i really don't need the constant reminders; i beat myself up over it enough, thank you very much.